You Need to Want It More: Why That Advice Fails Under Pressure
"You need to want it more."
"Why do you always choke in the biggest moments?"
"You're not mentally tough enough."
These are things I’ve heard coaches say to athletes when they underperform on a big stage. And I get it. It comes from frustration, from passion, from wanting an athlete to rise and seize the moment. But these kinds of statements never made any real sense to me because they don’t address the root of the problem. Not to mention, they can be very damaging to an athlete.
An athlete doesn’t crumble under pressure because they don’t want it enough. They fall apart because their nervous system isn’t prepared to handle that moment. Fight, flight, or freeze isn’t a mindset flaw. It’s a survival response. And until we start addressing it that way, we’re going to keep misreading the signs.
As coaches, we play an essential role in helping athletes push toward their goals. But pushing for performance alone isn’t enough. If we want our athletes to thrive under pressure, we must help them build systems that support that. Systems that don’t collapse when the stakes rise.
That starts with a shift in how we talk about and train pressure moments. Instead of labeling an athlete as someone who "can't handle it," we need to start getting curious about what’s going on. Are they holding their breath? Are their shoulders tense? Are they hyper-aware of who’s watching? What are they thinking in that moment?
Performance under pressure isn’t just about mindset. It’s about biology. We need to help athletes build awareness of their physical and emotional reactions to stress. Teach them to notice when their breath shortens or their heart races. Teach them to reset when they feel the urge to freeze.
When we teach athletes how to stay present, breathe, and focus their attention, we give them tools that go far beyond sport. And when those tools are practiced with the same intention as physical skills, we build athletes who don’t just perform under pressure… they own those moments.